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Ever fantasise about being handcuffed to the bed head? Or, perhaps you’ve been daydreaming about having a threesome. Well, don’t stress you are in good company. A 2014 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found 46% of men were turned on by thoughts of being tied up and 57% of women said they fantasised about having sex with 2 men.
Fantasies are a normal part of a healthy sex life. They can distract from anxiety and increase arousal. So you should never feel guilty about having sexual fantasies. Whether or not you act on them, however, depends on your fantasy and your partner.
Should you act on a sexual fantasy?
Some people are blissfully happy just thinking or talking about their fantasies without the need to act on them. For others, the desire to experience their fantasies is stronger. Acting on your fantasy is healthy provided it is done with care and good communication. Discuss your fantasy with your partner, let them know your expectations, listen to their concerns and agree on your limits.
Of course, no two sexual fantasies are exactly alike, but most fall into one of the following categories: submission, domination, exhibitionism, voyeurism and group sex.
How to discuss your fantasies with your partner
Start by asking your partner how they feel about fantasies and ask permission to share yours with them. Consider your partner’s personality—is he a dreamer? Does she think logically?—and present your fantasy in a way that they can understand. Make it abundantly clear that you want to experience your fantasy with your partner.
If they are receptive, find out if they’d be interested in trying it. Remember to be respectful of their decision. If they are not interested, don’t try to force their hand. Your sex life can still be fulfilling whether or not it includes acting out your fantasies.
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